Mushroom Kingdom Mystery Files will be a series of satirical and comedic or somewhat serious questions regarding the world of Super Mario Bros. Some content may offend.
Did Princess Peach ever want to be rescued?
High up in her castle in Toad Town. Princess Peach sits. Waiting for messages from the subservient Toads. The people to whom she reigns over. The Toads see her as a symbol of innocence, the leader of the free world and the one true leader of the Mushroom Kingdom. To Mario, the Princess’ lowly plumber, she was a goddess. A true sight to behold. He wanted nothing more than to love her every day. Even if that means it will be from afar. Or at least from the bathroom where he was repairing her toilets.
Despite all of this however, Peach was bored. Nothing exciting ever happened in the Mushroom Kingdom outside of a random Goomba attack or a Parakoopa doing some recognizance. Peach needed more. So she turned her back on her own kingdom, sent a message with a Paragoomba requesting a visit from Bowser.
She would never have been able to do this if the Toads had found out. They hated Bowser. He was evil and a testament to hatred and war.
Bowser is in love with the Princess
Bowser wanted nothing more than to rule the great Mushroom Kingdom. Nothing that is, except the love of the princess. Sending legions of his minions in his path he traveled far from his castle. Where he met with the lowly Paragoomba, who had for him the biggest surprise he could have ever received. A letter from the princess requesting he visit. It seemed cryptic however, so he had to do it in the dead of night. As the Toad people slept. Realizing that he was the most hated character in all of the Kingdom, and he was a 30 Foot dragon monster. He decided to hang back and simply kidnap the princess, bring her to him and live happily ever after. That night, his plan went down without a hitch. Not one soul was harmed and not one drop of Toad blood was spilled.
The Princess and Bowser were finally together.
That Meddling Mario
Mario awakes to feel a terrible sense of dread hanging heavy in his heart. He has’nt yet heard the news, but he knew something was wrong. He checks on his brother Luigi, still asleep. Or passed out rather after drinking heavily the night before. Mario realized he still had a job to do, fixing the Princess’ toilets.
On his way to the castle that sense of dread he was feeling became significantly more prominent. Before he could open the doors a Toad rushed out screaming. “THE PRINCESS IS MISSING!!”
At this point, all of Toad Town was scrambling. They were lost without her. The merchants couldn’t peddle their wares, the fisherman couldn’t fish and the doctors couldn’t perform. Even the gardeners were at a loss. Without a princess. Toad Town was nothing. Mario seen the opportunity to finally become something more than a plumber. He could become a hero!
Bowser knew something like this would cause a war. He instinctively already sent hundreds of his minions out to stop Mario. They were to follow one rule. Talk to him, make him understand and ensure him the princess was OK.
Mario however would have none of that. After the first run in with a Bowser look-a-like which began Mario’s declaration of war on Bowser, leaving hundreds dead in his wake. Mario wanted to go full rambo. Wave after wave of enemies couldn’t stop him. and in the end, when he arrives at Bowser Castle. He finds the two in bed together. Looking happy. Jealousy caused Mario to become enraged and with the hit of a hammer over a lava pit. Sends Bowser to his ultimate doom.
Feigning ignorance of the gravity of the situation, Princess Peach reassures Mario he is indeed a hero and thanks him. Knowing the truth would only cause more grief for the world she loved and ruled over.
The Princess arrived at home knowing she had enough excitement. The man she loved was dead, and she could never tell anyone the truth. Until next time…
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